What I was trying to say is that my hand to mouth obsession was being comforted by gum, suckers, and sunflower seeds. But even that is not enough at times. So I have been busying myself with chores and exercise, spending lots of time outside anyway, breathing fresh air, doing yard work, tending to plants, talking to plants, listening to plants. I've been practicing a few meditations and shaman techniques to sort of calm and reprogram my subconscious. Such as asking my animal ally, the bear, to give me strength and help me heal. I've asked for the support of the four winds, since they know so much about change. And i sometimes beg the cedar tree to be strong for me. I imagine when I shower that I am washing my addiction down the drain. I make up positive affirmations to repeat in my head when I'm driving or just really feeling like giving up, such as: I am a healthy, happy, hippy and that's what I want to be. Or: I'm not gonna let some stupid cigarette get the best of me, I'm stronger than that you silly cigarette!
But really what it all boils down to is what everyone always said, "When you really want to quit, you'll quit." And I do! I really want to quit!! Sure, cigarettes served their purpose for me for a time. It was a romantic fascination and I was a rebel without a clue. I loved smoking! I loved everything about smoking! Cigarettes were like my best friend in so many ways. They were an excuse to get a break at work. They were a reason to take a moment to reflect. they were a comfort when I felt alone or stressed or helpless. They were a useful tool in suppressing tears. Since I've quit, I've cried a lot! But half of my tears were tears of joy for possibilities of my future feeling suddenly possible!
I've tried to quit many times and I have been mentally preparing myself for this for the last three years, since the last time I tried to quit. I have been trying to hypnotize myself and reprogram my subconscious. Plus I have had a lot of friends successfully quit smoking in the last couple years. The price has been a huge motivator for many, and for those who are not strong enough to quit yet, let me tell you, it's been breaking us! Anyone who is currently addicted to smoking is probably below the poverty line because of the price of this extremely addictive habit, I know I am well below it.
One of my regular customers at the golf course successfully quit smoking last summer. He swears by the patch. He was smoking over a pack a day of Marlboro Reds for 25 years. There is no way he could have quit without the help of a patch, I know the feeling, I've tried. And on top of that, He wasn't even irritable, he never stopped smiling. And every time I saw him, he seemed even happier than the time before. Thanks Ricky! After a success story like that, I felt inspired to start to prepare for my own hard times of nicotine withdrawals, and a year later, I know I'm not out yet, but I also know that I am determined to not let cigarettes control my life anymore. I am on the path to recovery, now instead of being a smoking rebel, I will rebel against control from anyone or any substance!!! I am in control now.
I hope this story inspires other smokers to be strong and stick it to the man the best way you can. Quit spending your money on cigarettes! Give Phillip Morris the finger...and OBAMA!!
Confessions of a String Pluckin, Snow Surfin, Tribal Pagan, Hill Billy
River at the river at sunset
River at the river at Sunset...also, my boyfriend, Joel, and his 2 kids, Gabe and Alix...I'm a mother of 3 now!!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Nonsmoker continued...what the F@#! happened?
...Sorry, new blogger here, let me pick up where I got cut off by the damn computer...
7- I have finally found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, Joel Ammon Van Wagoner, and now that I finally have my perfect partner in crime, I wanna stick around a long long time and get old with him and knit blankets on the front porch in my rocking chair, and tell stories to whoever comes to visit and get wise and wrinkly. And I wanna still be climbin up mountains and sliding back down till I'm 99!!
8- Well, I have been a bad influence on my boyfriend and he took up smoking shortly after meeting me, almost a year ago. It doesn't agree with him like it did with me, he seems to be killing himself too quickly, hacking up a lung since the 2nd month in. I still have not gotten a smokers hack...except when I'm sick with a cold. So he's been trying to quit and beating himself up when he caves and I feel responsible because I'm always smoking and it's hard for him to not want to smoke too if he wants to spend time with me, which he does. So we're quitting together and I'm so lucky to have that kind of support...and guilt inspiring my will to be strong.
9- Smoking has started to affect my ability to hold a long note while singing, I have been scared that I will eventually lose my ability to wow a crowd with my vocal talents. But already, that problem has fixed itself, just with a few days of laying off the toxic smoke.
10- I will no longer be shunned by the general public. I will no longer have to feel the discrimination that people have against smokers. Christians will no longer judge me as a sinner based on the cigarette in my hand. Parents will no longer try to protect their children from me as if I have leprosy. I will be able to blend in better, like a chameleon. I will no longer be told to go 25 feet away from an entrance.
So, I'm sure there are a dozen more reasons to be smoke free, but ten will suffice for now.
I am using the patch to quit and I believe it has been helpful. Quitting smoking makes me empathetic to Heroin addicts and crack heads. I feel that addicted to cigarettes. Before I was a smoker, I had amazing will power, and actually, I still do...with everything except cigarettes. It makes me so angry that such a stupid drug that doesn't even get you high can be so addictive...and legal for that matter. And yet pot is not. Stoopid government. money mongers! Phillip Morris!!
My 1st day of "sobriety" was a living hell! Even with the patch, my psychological dependency and nervous habit was unbearable to replace. I also decided to cut out the coffee because it is my biggest trigger to smoking, caffeine actually stimulates your craving for tobacco. I bought gum, sunflower seeds, and suckers just to have the hand to mouth obsession su
7- I have finally found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, Joel Ammon Van Wagoner, and now that I finally have my perfect partner in crime, I wanna stick around a long long time and get old with him and knit blankets on the front porch in my rocking chair, and tell stories to whoever comes to visit and get wise and wrinkly. And I wanna still be climbin up mountains and sliding back down till I'm 99!!
8- Well, I have been a bad influence on my boyfriend and he took up smoking shortly after meeting me, almost a year ago. It doesn't agree with him like it did with me, he seems to be killing himself too quickly, hacking up a lung since the 2nd month in. I still have not gotten a smokers hack...except when I'm sick with a cold. So he's been trying to quit and beating himself up when he caves and I feel responsible because I'm always smoking and it's hard for him to not want to smoke too if he wants to spend time with me, which he does. So we're quitting together and I'm so lucky to have that kind of support...and guilt inspiring my will to be strong.
9- Smoking has started to affect my ability to hold a long note while singing, I have been scared that I will eventually lose my ability to wow a crowd with my vocal talents. But already, that problem has fixed itself, just with a few days of laying off the toxic smoke.
10- I will no longer be shunned by the general public. I will no longer have to feel the discrimination that people have against smokers. Christians will no longer judge me as a sinner based on the cigarette in my hand. Parents will no longer try to protect their children from me as if I have leprosy. I will be able to blend in better, like a chameleon. I will no longer be told to go 25 feet away from an entrance.
So, I'm sure there are a dozen more reasons to be smoke free, but ten will suffice for now.
I am using the patch to quit and I believe it has been helpful. Quitting smoking makes me empathetic to Heroin addicts and crack heads. I feel that addicted to cigarettes. Before I was a smoker, I had amazing will power, and actually, I still do...with everything except cigarettes. It makes me so angry that such a stupid drug that doesn't even get you high can be so addictive...and legal for that matter. And yet pot is not. Stoopid government. money mongers! Phillip Morris!!
My 1st day of "sobriety" was a living hell! Even with the patch, my psychological dependency and nervous habit was unbearable to replace. I also decided to cut out the coffee because it is my biggest trigger to smoking, caffeine actually stimulates your craving for tobacco. I bought gum, sunflower seeds, and suckers just to have the hand to mouth obsession su
I'M A NONSMOKER AS OF 07/11/11
Hello cyberspace, if any one's out there tuning in, I just wanted to say that I have not had a single cigarette since 9:45 p.m. pacific time on the evening of July 10th, 2011. That means I have been smoke free, (In the tobacco sense), for approximately 64 hours!!! That is a big deal for me because I have been smoking a pack a day for 15 years, almost half of my life!! So I'm patting myself on the back because I feel great! And yet I crave a smoke horribly, so writing this blog is really about reassuring myself that life is much better without cigarettes.
Let me count the ways:
1- I'm no longer spending $8.25 a day on a pack of ridiculously priced natural smokes. If they were still 2 bucks a pack, like they were 15 year ago, I might not be so motivatred to quit
2- My lungs feel great! I feel like I can breathe at full capacity after just one day and I haven't coughed at all.
3- I smell great! I washed all my clothes and got rid of my ashtrays.
4- I can smell again! So well that I can't stand the smell of cat piss in my house and I want to neuter my cat and give him to a gay couple in Seattle, ha, just kidding...sort of.
5- I've freed up all sorts of time! So much that I'm going crazy and yet being very productive.
6- River doesn't know yet because he's out of town with his dad, but when he finds out, he will be so excited! My son loves me so much and worries about my health and hopes I live a long healthy life.
7-
Let me count the ways:
1- I'm no longer spending $8.25 a day on a pack of ridiculously priced natural smokes. If they were still 2 bucks a pack, like they were 15 year ago, I might not be so motivatred to quit
2- My lungs feel great! I feel like I can breathe at full capacity after just one day and I haven't coughed at all.
3- I smell great! I washed all my clothes and got rid of my ashtrays.
4- I can smell again! So well that I can't stand the smell of cat piss in my house and I want to neuter my cat and give him to a gay couple in Seattle, ha, just kidding...sort of.
5- I've freed up all sorts of time! So much that I'm going crazy and yet being very productive.
6- River doesn't know yet because he's out of town with his dad, but when he finds out, he will be so excited! My son loves me so much and worries about my health and hopes I live a long healthy life.
7-
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)